Bereavement and binge confessions.

September 06, 2010

Bereavement and binge confessions.

I've had a few people email / tweet me about the lack of blog posts. Yes I'm still here. And I have a post I wanted to finish and publish about a fortnight ago, but I don't think I can blog until I address something that happened last week. My mother in law (no, I'm not actually married to Gavin, but I might as well be) passed away last week. Without going into too much detail, I like to think I was quite close to her, she isn't just Gavin's mum, she's my friend and the last week has been an emotional week. And basically I've had the maddest binge. So here are my confessions.

The Sunday that it actually happened, I had a chinese take away for dinner, that could be what kicked it off. The day after I barely ate a thing, I picked at the fillings of the sandwiches I was making, had a couple of sweets and I'd say my only main points came from a glass of full sugar fanta and vodka. The rest of the week involved no structured meals, no actual meals at all really (bar a big family dinner, three courses on the Friday), just convenience and comfort food. Many many biscuits, takeaways, crisps, chocolate and wine (I drank the most wine I've ever drank in one sitting ever on Thursday night, so much wine I actually went past the point of hangover, I was actually fine the next day. Crazy).

I did decide last week that I would start back on plan come Saturday, and I did try, but I failed, no motivation, tiredness, grief, I succumbed to chocolate, sweets and ice cream. (I don't even like ice-cream!!! I hate emotional eating, such a waste of points! Such a stupid very short term fix!) Sunday... well I did better, in that I at least counted all my points for the day, even if I did go over my allowance by ten... I've really been shockingly bad, I've just let go of all caring, tracking and desire to exercise. But I think the most shocking thing is that I'm not beating myself up about it. I think the fact that I am so chilled out about my binge is frightening me, if I can go so crazy in one week, what damage will I do once I hit maintenanece?

So I had to do it, on Sunday night (last night) I located my scales and stood on them to see the damage. There was no way I would have been back on track today if I didn't, I would have just let the binge go on until Tuesday when I have my weigh-in. And I found out my damage, from my last official weigh in I've put on 3.5lbs, which isn't too bad. But it still managed to scare me back into planning and tracking today, I even earned 3 points worth of exercise today too!

Why have I confessed all this? Well mostly I need to hold myself accountable for what I've done. But also, another reason is that because I've lost so much in such a short time, a lot of people who contact me through this blog think I've had it easy and I want to remind them everyone has bad weeks, all for different reasons, the reasons you are bad doesn't matter, no one can follow weightwatchers perfectly, and I think those that do, will probably not manage to keep it off because they haven't found a balance. As long as you realise what you've done, put your hands in the air and stick at the program, it does work. Sure aren't I proof enough?

Before I joined weightwatchers I really don't think I ate too unhealthily, my main bother was portion control, so I know that if I were to start gaining back it will probably boil back to that. But two things I noted from my binge is that when I did eat I ate past the point of fullness, and to be fair, I never actually felt hungry the entire week. I also felt trumly ill when it came it to food, I'm not sure if that was because I had no structure to my eating, or if it was due to was eating just crap, and very little fresh fruit or veg (that was possibly the longest I've went with so little fresh fruit and veg in my diet, in my life ever), but I have craved my normal routine and can't for the life of me understand why it took me to stand on the scales to be able to get back on track again.

And to finish this post I'm going to add in a few of the photos I took of various indulgences over the week...The first being the chinese that kicked of the boldness, and it was so so sooooo yummy, therefore no guilt.