Exercise and me

I have been trying to get myself back into exercise mode for what now feel like years. It's not happening because so far I haven't been able to find anything I can enjoy.
Back when I was actually losing weight on this journey I ran, cycled, played wii like games and had the occasional zumba or burlesque class. I loved it all, looked forward to it all.
None of those things are doing it for me now. When I do force myself to do it I feel pleased about doing it when it's done but that's just it, I don't get the enjoyment of doing any more. I dread doing it, count the seconds until I can stop and yay. Just yay, it is done.

I realise I can't continue like this, and this time I am losing weight forever. I need to adjust my head. And what exercise means to me.
When I hit goal again I will need to continue to exercise, not let it whittle away into a distant memory. I used to be so good at this. In school I love P.E. I played netball for ten year and winning a lot. I played football, basketball, gaelic, tennis, badminton, there was a lot, as well as my beloved swimming. And I remember loving it, loving the competition as well as the sports themselves. Looking back it's like looking at a different person.

I know I need to find something and make it my routine to do, but for me to actually stick to that, I need to enjoy it. I just wish I could work out what it was.
I like running, but mostly just for the feeling of accomplishment I get at the end, and because it's been so long since I last ran properly I obviously can't do it any more, even to a bad standard let alone what I used to be capable of. I am trying to force myself back into this because of the satisfied feeling I get at the end but so far it's difficult.

Then there is cycling. I love cycling, it was something I've only really done as an adult. I had a bike as a kid but didn't ride much after about the age of seven. I love my bike too, it's the same colour as the bike I had as a kid and cycling is just fun.

An old picture from when Gav and I went on a cycling adventure.

The excuse I have with cycling is just how dangerous it is, I am not a confident cycler, I much prefer to be with others if I go cycling and when I use it for transport it's been to commute to my last place of work. As both a driver and a cyclist I am petrified of the roads. People are so ridiculously dangerous. Latest examples have been

1.  watching a cyclist get into a right turn only lane and then decide to drive straight on and then start screaming at the driver whose lane he just cycles into without looking around him.
2. watching a cyclist trying to turn left onto a main road, the car behind him decided he wasn't going fast enough so overtakes.

But I digress, the fact remains, I hate cycling on the road and there are no cycle lanes in my part of the city. I have a park not too far from my home which is the only place I cycle, but it's a small park and it gets very boring very quickly, especially if you have no company. I know I should cycle more to become more confident but the fact remains I do not want to get scrubbed by either another cyclist or a car.

The gym. I just don't care for them. I don't care for sharing machinery and often doubt the cleanliness of machines, I have my own treadmill and exercise bike anyway and those are the two machines I use most. If I join a gym it would be for the classes, but I then I'm not sure about my cash flow at the minute. So for now, that is out. I don't have a gym handy to me anyway.

I've been doing yoga recently, I used to do this a lot when I was a teenager and recently, it is the only thing I have enjoyed doing. Pure me time in my living room on my mat. Problem is that it isn't cardio.

And then there is walking, probably the only thing I enjoy doing, and I won't stop doing it. But I want to add something else to it. On a weekday I walk at least 4miles for activity points, that's how I am earning them at the minute. I'm not sure about weekends because I haven't measured the routes I take yet. I know I need to mix things up though.

I just honestly have no idea where I am with exercise any more. Other than knowing I need to find something I enjoy and place it firmly into my life.
What do you enjoy? Tweet me @sazzle182